Honda Z600, BMW R100RS, Toyota Supra: The Dopest Cars I Found for Sale Online, Super Bowl Edition

First off, we’ve got Kansas City. They’re ahead of Philadelphia for one reason and one reason alone: I have family out there, and this process is otherwise random. Anyway.

Little bikes like this Honda are the best-selling vehicles in human history. Don’t you want to see if this thing lives up to the hype? Sure, you could get your hands on a Cub or a Trail 90, but those don’t come in this gorgeous blue-and-white colorway. The Passport does.

As car journalists, we at Jalopnik are legally mandated to love the Fiesta ST. It’s part of the hire paperwork, you have to sign a piece of paper saying that the FiST is the return of tossable, eighties hatchbacks. I’ve never driven a tossable eighties hatchback, but I have driven a FiST — I can confirm, it ruled. Our own Adam Ismail even owns one, and you could too.

The 330ci ZHP is a patrician choice among BMW enthusiasts. It’s neat, not incredibly common, and makes a great way to peacock for other car dorks. But this isn’t a 330ci ZHP, at least not by VIN — but it’s become one through mods. This 325ci has been fully converted to ZHP spec, with all the engine and suspension upgrades that came with the package. I imagine it’s a blast.

This Z600 falls firmly into the list of “cars I almost don’t want to include in Dopest because I just want to buy them myself.” Unfortunately I don’t have $5,500 to my name, so I offer the listing up to you instead. These old Hondas are so interesting, so cool with their sheer economy of space. It’s tiny, but still practical!

But, okay, fine, I can see the desire to own something a little more modern. Amenities like “fuel injection” and “airbags” and “tires in a modern size” have their benefits, I’ll admit. Lucky for the picky among you, Kansas City has the solution — a Civic Si hatchback. Sure, it’s a little egg-looking, but the shifter comes out of the center of the dash! That’s cool, right?

Normally I’d look at a listing like this, where the photos are clearly third-hand reproductions, and the truck has a salvage title, and I’d skip right over it. But this is no regular pickup — this is a Ram 50, a captive import Mitsubishi. This has me picturing a 7/8th-scale reproduction of Twister, like someone’s doing it for a school play. I love it.

If Land Cruisers are out of your budget, but you still want an off-road-capable Japanese SUV that never learned to die, look no further than the Montero. You can even fool people by removing the badges and saying it’s an old Land Rover. They won’t know the difference, and probably won’t care. And that’s way easier than trying to explain a Montero to your Tinder date.

Folks, here we have a beautifully patina’d old Chevy. Regular readers of Dopest Cars already know my love for patina — if an old truck looks truly old, like it’s been through the wringer and just keeps on going, I will defend it with my life. I’m not really sure what that means in this context, laying my life down for an automobile, but I’ll do it. Don’t try me.

And now, it’s time for Philadelphia’s entries. Much like the Eagles, these cars and bikes are from Philadelphia. I know nothing else about the Eagles. They’re off to a strong start with these listings, though.

This bike has a secret. It looks like a standard R100RS, but look at that intake piping. Notice anything? Like, for example, the turbocharger hanging there? That’s right, this R100 is equipped with a period-correct turbo kit from Luftmeister. It’s a turbo bike with a carburetor! I cannot think of a more mechanically temperamental vehicle to straddle, but that’s what makes a project fun.

Before you is a 2014-2020 WRX. It’s red with yellow fog lights and cheap aftermarket wheels, and it bears only the most basic of bolt-on mods. This, friends, is an Instagram Car. This car was purchased to look cool online, but has likely never been driven harder than a few highway pulls — after all, it has survived over 200,000 miles so far. If you want a time capsule into the car culture of eight years ago, look no further.

Okay, I understand your hesitation. I told you I was going to give you the internet’s Dopest Cars, and here I am talking about a $3,000 Chevy Cavalier. Well, here’s my explanation: These cars have, aesthetically, aged incredibly well.

Look at the lines. There is not one overwrought styling cue. This is a restrained, almost handsome vehicle. Sure, it’s not any kind of performance monster, but wait until the YouTubers start K-swapping them.

KC got the Ram 50, but Philly strikes back with another perfect compact pickup. This one even has a clean title! Ford Rangers from the nineties were absolutely perfect trucks, sized to haul things in the bed rather than to haul massive, overinflated egos. Plus, look at that color.

Say it with me, to the tune of “Everybody Wants to Rule The World:” Everybody wants an E30. Of course, real E30 M cars are far too expensive to afford without selling off vital organs, but that’s why we adopt the base model. This 325 is even lighter than a contemporary M3, which is a stat you can brag to all your autocross buddies about. It totally changes direction faster than the M, you guys, you just have to throw a good suspension at it.

I’ll admit, this is a very rough Porsche 968. And, no, the rear window is not meant for this car. But who needs rear visibility when you could have a beaten, dented-up front-engine Porsche? It sounds like I’m joking, but I’m not — I’m so bored of perfect, immaculate, never-driven 964s. Give me an unloved, ragged car wearing a Porsche badge any day. It’s a nice change of pace.

And speaking of unloved cars, how about a six-cylinder Mustang? Its more modern iterations (and the EcoBoost that’s now replaced them) were track-rat legends, the benchmark by which all competitors were measured for cost-to-performance, but the early six-pot cars rarely get any love. 2023 will be the year we start respecting classic six-cylinder Mustangs.

If I had $4,000 to my name, I’d be tempted. This is a third-generation Supra, not the fourth of Fast and Furious fame or the fifth that dominated internet arguments on release. This is angular, pointed, its six-cylinder far more ornery than the 2JZ. This is the cranky old man to you kids and your JDM, and it rules.